


Would I Lie to You, Honey?

by mrs_leary (julie)



Category: Merlin (TV) RPF, Would I Lie To You? RPF
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-02 12:11:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14544462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie/pseuds/mrs_leary
Summary: The Knights of the Round Table are promoting the fifth season ofMerlin, courtesy of another BBC One show.





	Would I Lie to You, Honey?

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aeris444](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeris444/gifts).



> Written for the **Merlin RPF Prompt Fest 2018** , to my own prompt - but dedicated to **aeris444** , who asked for some Eoin and Tom.
> 
> If you want to know more about the show _Would I Lie to You?_ you can check it out care of [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Would_I_Lie_to_You%3F_\(TV_series\)) and the [BBC](http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007r3n8). Basically it's a panel show in which a series regular and their two guests tell the other team tall stories about their own lives. The other team can quiz them on the details, and then has to guess who is lying and who is telling the truth.

# Would I Lie to You, Honey? 

♦

ROB BRYDON: “Welcome to _Would I Lie to You?_ We have four particularly chivalrous panellists with us tonight in this special ‘Knights of the Round Table’ episode. Please make welcome Tom Hopper and Rupert Young, who play Sir Percival and Sir Leon in the BBC One show _Merlin_.” 

The studio audience applauds.

ROB BRYDON: “We teamed the two Tall Guys with captain David Mitchell, to make him feel even more inadequate. … How short are you exactly, David?”

DAVID MITCHELL: “I’m a very respectable five feet ten, thank you very much.”

RUPERT YOUNG: (smoothly) “It’s the extra six inches that makes us unrespectable, after all.” 

A brief shocked pause before everyone cracks up laughing.

ROB BRYDON: “Well, _that_ escalated fast! … And I’d been thinking our other two panellists would be the mischief-makers. Please welcome Tomiwa Edun and Eoin Macken, who play Sir Elyan and Sir Gwaine.”

Applause. 

ROB BRYDON: “Their Mischief-Maker-in-Chief is captain Lee Mack.”

LEE MACK: “Thanks, Rob, and I hope our guests won’t mind the completely inadequate tables provided. I mean, _three_ bits of table instead of one, and they’re kind of curved down the front, but –” 

DAVID MITCHELL: “Kind of curved? They’re elliptical, Lee.”

LEE MACK: “Yeah, yeah …”

ROB BRYDON: “We tried reorganising, but they were never going to combine into a round table, it’s true.”

Laughter.

DAVID MITCHELL: “You’d have felt more comfortable on _QI_. That’s a round table – with a bonus extension. Is that the children’s table, do you think?”

RUPERT YOUNG: “In Camelot, the extension is the Naughty Step. But you’d have to ask Eoin about that.”

EOIN MACKEN: “Right, because Sir Leon was never sent there. Gwaine actually had his name on the Naughty Step. … He had to carve it himself, but he had plenty o’ time to do it.”

Laughter. 

TOM HOPPER: “We did the entrance exam for _QI_ , but Tomiwa was too smart for it, and the rest of us were too dumb.”

ROB BRYDON: “Great! So they kind of averaged out the scores and sent you here instead. … Tomiwa, I believe you read Classics?”

TOMIWA EDUN: “Yes, at Cambridge.”

DAVID MITCHELL: “I was at Peterhouse. Modern history.”

TOMIWA EDUN: “Christ’s College.”

LEE MACK: “Bugger that – Tomiwa, tell us about being in _FIFA 17_!”

Laughter. 

ROB BRYDON: “Right! That’s my cue to introduce the segment ‘This is My …’ in which we bring out a mystery guest. David’s team will each tell us how they know the guest, and Lee’s team will try to work out which one of them is telling the truth. Please welcome our very special guest, Martin.”

Applause. 

A pleasant-looking man of about thirty walks out and stands by David Mitchell’s team table with his hands at his sides. He remains as deadpan as possible throughout the following conversations.

ROB BRYDON: “Rupert. How do you know Martin?”

RUPERT YOUNG: “This is Martin. He was working as an extra when we were filming _Merlin_ , and I almost killed him during a fight scene. Quite accidentally, I should add.”

ROB BRYDON: “OK … David, how do you know Martin?”

DAVID MITCHELL: “This is Martin. He has the same birthday as me, and he has the same favourite restaurant, too. So after about five years – five birthdays – of thinking that bloke looks familiar, I said hello, and we’ve been friends ever since.”

ROB BRYDON: “And Tom. Who is Martin to you?”

TOM HOPPER: “This is Martin, and we went to school together. He was my first kiss.”

EOIN MACKEN: (absolutely stunned) _“Tom!”_

ROB BRYDON: “Oh dear. Trouble in paradise? Lee’s team can now ask David’s team about their relationships with Martin in an effort to find the truth – and perhaps we’d better start with you, Eoin.”

A fraught moment passes. Then …

EOIN MACKEN: “What the actual _beep_ , Tom?”

TOM HOPPER: “Sorry, Eoin. Or should I say ‘Sorry, not sorry’!”

TOMIWA EDUN: (the voice of reason) “Don’t panic, Eoin. Was this at drama school, Tom? Were you playing a part, maybe?”

TOM HOPPER: “It _was_ at drama school. But it wasn’t for a role.”

TOMIWA EDUN: “It was a proper kiss? I mean, romantic.”

TOM HOPPER: (with nary a blush) “Yes.” 

Eoin lets out a heartbroken wail.

ROB BRYDON: “Right. Does anyone have any questions for the others? Rupert, you tried to kill Martin rather than kiss him.”

RUPERT YOUNG: “That’s right.”

TOMIWA EDUN: “Where was this? Wales or France?”

RUPERT YOUNG: “France, Pierrefonds. Out in front of the Chateau. We were filming a sword fight –”

LEE MACK: “They don’t give you real swords, do they?!”

RUPERT YOUNG: “No, and it’s just as well! No, Martin was one of a Horde of Evil Invaders, and I was fighting him off, he was backing away, all as planned – the trouble was I didn’t realise how close we were to the parapet.”

EOIN MACKEN: “I thought you were straight, Tom.”

TOM HOPPER: (chuckles) “I’m more, like … open to the possibilities, Eoin.” 

Laughter and a few whoops of encouragement from the audience. 

ROB BRYDON: “Anyone else with questions?”

TOMIWA EDUN: “Where were the stunt coordinators, Rupert? They’re usually – always – a lot more careful than that.”

RUPERT YOUNG: “I suppose … there was a lot going on. Did I mention the Evil Horde? And there were twenty or thirty of us defending Camelot.”

Tomiwa is not convinced. 

ROB BRYDON: “David. Remind us of how you know Martin?”

DAVID MITCHELL: “Martin has the same birthday as me, and every year I saw him at the same restaurant.” 

LEE MACK: “What was his reaction when you said hello the first time? Didn’t he think it was strange, this random dude –” 

DAVID MITCHELL: “He was surprised, but very polite. I … I showed him my driver’s licence, to prove it, so I guess he realised I was mostly harmless. Actually, he was the one who suggested we all share a table.”

LEE MACK: “And that was the very humble beginning of this Grand Bromance, was it?”

DAVID MITCHELL: “Yes.”

Eoin makes a sad little whimpering sound.

ROB BRYDON: “So who do we think is telling the truth about Martin? Is he Rupert’s stunt-fighting extra, David’s birthday buddy, or Tom’s first kiss?”

EOIN MACKEN: (stricken) “It’s Tom, isn’t it? It has to be Tom.”

TOMIWA EDUN: “Well, I don’t think it’s Rupert. They take much better care of us than that.”

LEE MACK: “I think Tom’s just messing with you, Eoin. I’m going to go with David. It’s just the sort of dorky thing he’d do.”

TOMIWA EDUN: “Yes, I agree. It’s David.”

Eoin sits there looking mournful and confused.

ROB BRYDON: “Is that your final answer?”

LEE MACK: “Yes. David.”

ROB BRYDON: “And you’re correct! David first introduced himself to Martin on his thirty-fifth birthday, and they’ve celebrated their joint birthdays together ever since, though I understand they always make sure there are two cakes.”

Applause. 

ROB BRYDON: “And that brings this segment to an end. But, before we take a break – Tom, is there anything you want to say to Eoin … ?”

TOM HOPPER: (leans forward with a grin and a wink) “I’ll see you backstage, Eoin.”

Eoin immediately brightens up, and eagerly gets to his feet despite that they should all remain seated.

And on that happy note, with much cheerful applause from the audience and other panellists, we FADE TO BLACK.

♦


End file.
